


Thoughts on a Train

by danehemmings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character study- sort of, Gen, Sev does not have a good time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 00:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19965811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danehemmings/pseuds/danehemmings
Summary: Severus boards the Hogwarts Express each fall with different hopes and expectations of the year ahead. His expectations never seem to be right.





	Thoughts on a Train

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a look inside Severus' head before each year at Hogwarts- or what i think his head might've been like.

Severus Snape boards the Hogwarts Express for the first time in his life, and is excited. He sits at first with his best friend, and two ignorant brats. Then, he and his friend find another cabin to sit in, and the journey to his new home begins properly. It’s thrilling, and he and Lily are giddy the entire trip. Severus is so very relieved, because he won’t have to see his father’s austere face again for nearly a year.

He and Lily will be in the same house, and meet other great friends, and his years at Hogwarts will be the years in which his life turns around.

~~

As Severus boards the train for his second year at Hogwarts, he’s less excited. He sits again with Lily, but this time two other Gryffindor girls join them, and Severus barely gets to talk with Lily the whole way. This is partially due to his sulking; he isn’t fond of any Gryffindors except Lily. The train ride was supposed to be their last proper time together, as Severus and Lily and not as Snivellus and Evans. Instead she spends it catching up with her friends, who are so much stupider than her.

He abandons her as soon as they hop off the train, because she’s upset he sulked and he’s mad at her for it. He tags along with Lucius, which guarantees he’ll be safe from a particularly nasty group of Gryffindor boys for at least the night. When classes start, he’ll be sure to receive daily mockings and name-callings, but he’s content to have these few hours of peace.

Or perhaps the Gryffindor boys will have tired of him, and this year will be better than the last.

~~

Severus sits with Lily and just Lily, on the way to his third year at Hogwarts. He’s dreading going to Hogwarts almost as much as he dreads going home to Spinner’s End. Lily knows this, as she seems to know most things about him, and tries to cheer him up. He’s cheered by the realization she still cares for him, still likes him, even when everyone else doesn’t.

Then, James Potter pokes his head in their cabin, and says the usual rude things to Severus, and then is sweet as honey to Lily. Lily sees through him, of course, knows him as the arrogant brat he is. But Severus worries, that one day Potter’s persistence will pay off, and Lily will mock him and laugh at him, too.

His worries having him drowning in misery for the remainder of their journey. He does his best to prepare for another dismal year.

~~

As a fourth year, Severus is determined to fight back against Potter and his miscreants. He’s spent all summer honing his dueling skills, coming up with new hexes, and he won’t let it go to waste. This year, he sits alone on the train, because he knows Lily prefers her other friends, and he doesn’t want to burden her.

Potter and Black waltz by once, but don’t notice him. Severus is tempted, very tempted, to whisper a curse and wave his wand, but he won’t allow himself to sink to Potter’s level. 

He makes it off the train without incident, but as he’s jumping down from the carriage, his foot jerks left suddenly and his face smashes into the muddy ground.

He doesn’t need to hear Potter and Black cackling to know it was them. He tries to be quick, scrambles to his feet and raises his wand, but Pettigrew says something that has him flat on his back. Pettigrew beat him. When Severus sits up, humiliated, Black is in hysterics, and Potter is bowing to Pettigrew.

Lupin, perfect and good Lupin, tells his friends off, but doesn’t move to help Severus otherwise. His robes are ruined, covered in filth that will take ages to charm off, and all of Severus’ efforts are wasted.

~~

Severus sits with Mulciber and Avery as the train races them to their fifth year at Hogwarts. Avery is chatting animatedly about the Death Eaters and all the good they’re doing. Mulciber nods at every turn. Severus thinks of Lily and feels sick to his stomach.

This year, he knows things will not get better for him. He expects them to get worse. Potter and Black will mock him, will hurt him, and Lily will distance herself even more. The farther she gets, the easier it is for Severus to listen to Avery and Mulciber.

They spent nearly everyday together this summer, and even her stupid muggle sister didn’t bother them. Severus once would have been overjoyed at the idea of a summer of just him and Lily, but something’s different between them. Lily used to meet his eyes, and he could see right into her head, into her soul, and she into his. Now, they both hide things. Severus doesn’t want her to find out about Avery and Mulciber’s future plans. He doesn’t want to know what she’s hiding, so he never asked. He’s afraid she’s spent so much time with those loathsome Gryffindors that she is starting to see him the same way Potter does.

~~

Severus sits alone again on the journey to his sixth year. He begged Lily to forgive him all summer, but she hadn’t. She wouldn’t even see him, and he’d had to speak with her nasty sister instead. He hadn’t spoken with her since June.

He’d have to live on without her. As long as she didn’t warm up to Potter and his gang, Severus could survive watching from afar. He’d throw himself into his studies this year, and make the top of his class. Mulciber and Avery would respect him more, and perhaps he’d discover a curse that would keep Potter off his back once and for all. He’d make Potter pay for turning Lily against him.

~~

Severus sits with Mulciber and Avery on as the train speeds them towards their final year at Hogwarts. It all feels rather pointless, and almost ridiculous, to be heading off towards another year of school when war rages all around them. Avery can’t wait to join up with the Dark Lord when they’ve finished schooling. Mulciber already has, courtesy of his own parents. He shows off his mark proudly, although complains that he hasn’t been given anything ‘real’ to do.

The two of them are listing off all the reasons why Dumbledore is such a blithering fool, when Potter pokes his head in. Last year, Potter had laid off Severus a bit. It had been an unexpected joy, until Severus realized it was all part of his plan to get closer to Lily. And it had worked out for the arrogant git- he and Lily had become friends.

It didn’t matter if Potter’s hate towards him had faded somewhat, Severus would always loathe Potter, would always wish him the cruelest death. He let that show in his eyes as Potter told them off for speaking ill of the Headmaster. Avery and Mulciber don’t argue; Potter’s headboy and is apparently allowed to scold them as though they are little boys.

Severus will join the Dark Lord, to delve deeper into the Dark Arts and to have an opportunity to kill Potter.  
~~

Severus boards the Hogwarts Express again, and this time sits in the front section that’s meant for professors. He can’t muster any excitement for his first year as a professor, not when she’s gone. Everything around him has gone dull, lifeless. It’s not worth it to keep on, but Severus has always been a coward. He’ll never be able to end things, so he’ll live, if only for the opportunity to see her eyes in that monster child’s face.

If not for that baby, and for Potter, she’d be alive. So it’s the child he’ll hate, and hate will keep him going without her, as it always has.


End file.
